I am SURRENDERING to you, Lord.
I broke something. I know I did. It is too shattered here.
I left something. I know I did. It is too hollow here.
I neglected and rejected something. I know I did. It is too guilty here.
Why does it feel as though you are behind me sighing while cleaning up my mess over and over again.
Why does it feel like I am just existing and not living with everyday being like the other.
I thought we were in this together.
When did I loose my way? Where did I loose my zeal? How did I not realize that we have been separated?
I was meant to inspire change. I was meant to bring joy. I was meant to heal the world.
But what happened.
I am sinking. I am drowning. I am failing and falling at every step and every turn.
I am SURRENDERING to you, Lord.
I am running to you. I think.
I am reaching out to you, right.
I am calling out for you. Am I actually making a sound.
I was busy chasing what looked like you. And it caused me to be weary because ultimately it wasn’t you.
I was busy justifying my actions. Spewing my “nonsense” all around with the tag that you see my heart and know that inside is actually good. And I actually love you. When I knew that I had lost touch with you.
In the end this is what happened.
In the end, I have backslidden.
I am SURRENDERING to you, Lord.
Dear You,
Don’t be deceived into thinking you got it in check because the truth is, none of us does. Whatever level you are in, in your Christian life and spiritual journey, you can and will backslide if you make the mistake of thinking you know the Lord well enough.
Surrendering everyday, every hour, every minute, every second is the only way out. You don’t live this life on our own. Matter of fact, you can’t live this life on your own. You need the constant filling and refilling of the holy spirit to do anything and everything.
You need that constant letting go and baring it all to the Lord for him to figure it out for you. You need that moment when you come to grip with yourself that your strength can only take you so far. You need that space where you tell him that, “you know what I thought I had it but it turns out I didn’t so dear Lord please figure it out for me”. Surrendering is not a want, it is a need.
And I am not talking about that partial surrendering where you want to clean up before you go to him. That one where you keep postponing because you want to be able to feel right and good before you come to him. Where you try to deserve his attention before appearing in his presence. No!
I am talking about the one where you stand before him and all you can see is how undeserving you are, how “filthy” you are, how much pain and hurt you have caused him and yet despite it all you still feel his love. You still someway somehow feel him smiling at you and telling you that he’s still got you.
I am talking about totally surrendering to him. Coming up to him with the addictions, with the deceitful thoughts and wants, with the loose tongue (everything) because it is not about you trying harder but you trusting deeper in him. Rest assured; He’s got it🙌.
“Lord, I know that people’s lives are not their own; it is not for them to direct their steps.” Jeremiah 10:23, NIV🙏
More with the Lord: You Are Losing Out.
I refuse to not see life as cupcakes and rainbows 😁😁😁.
Thank you for reading.
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