Hey there, long post ahead. Proceed with caution. ?? We have a long post ahead today but I promise its worth every word, sentence, phrase, clause and paragraph. So yeah come along this search …
First of all, how are you doing?
How’s the day going?
How was the past week?
What are your expectations for this week?
Any heartaches or heartbreaks? How are you holding up?
Is everything okay?
For me, I am doing great by grace.
My day just started but its going good so far.
The past week was crazy stressful. At the end of the day I fall to sleep like a hogging log. Almost as though I don’t want to wake up to the next day. Especially since I kind of know what waited ahead of me. That kind of tired.
This week is a search for me. I am on a hunt for some answers and understanding.
And no heartbreaks but definitely got some heartaches. But I am holding up just great, I think.
Yes. So far so good.
Try answering them. It is sort of liberating and healing. Go as far as journaling down your answers if you want.
So the past weeks, specifically the entirety of April was filled with one celebration or the another. A lot of my family and friends celebrated their birthdays, I also celebrated mine (April borns in the building?), depending on your religion; we celebrated Easter and Ramadan, even mother’s day celebration.
However what really got me was seeing my work anniversary pop up on LinkedIn. It got me thinking of the past year.
Got me scanning through the various stages and emotions I had been in and felt.
Being in any work industry, whether or not it is your passion, regardless of what anyone else says is honestly trying and overwhelming.
And sometimes the hedges are so much that, it is easy to forget that in this 21st century, having a job in itself is already an insufferable feat.
So I took time to express my gratitude to God for granting me a job and seeing me through a whole year because the economic and market search is another story.
However, as much gratitude and appreciation is expressed, an equal amount of anguish and headache is felt.
The whiplash and backlash is just as hurtful.
The employers, the expectations, the disregard, the customers, the colleagues.
At time, it is not just the work place but your personal life mishaps bleeding into this space. And at those times complaining is almost self-fish because everyone else also has personal issues they are dealing with.
All this overpowering feelings, questions and emotions set me of in a search. Because all our emotions are justifiable and rightly expressing them is needful for our mental health and sanity.
But then how far are we to go?
Where do we start and where do we end?
At what expense, at who’s expense?
In fact, what is the search about? What are we looking for? What are we seeking?
Soul Search?
I have red quite a number of books and even googled a dozen of definitions, articles and whatnots. On one hand you have people saying to look into yourself and find out who you really are and then you have the other side where you are told to ask your creator since you can only know of the actual use of a product from the manufacturer.
But they always never talk about the struggle, the journey, the road bumps, the potholes. Why? Whatever stand you take, soul search is made to seem as though is a walk in the park.
Here is what I think. A search is a what, a how and a which.
What is it that you are searching for? Don’t be vague with yourself. The ‘who am I’ questions don’t always work. For me, it was searching for the drive and the joy I once had towards my work? Break your life into bite size and set a goal for each bite. One step at a time until it all falls in place.
How are you going to tackle this journey? Because yes, it is a step-by-step everyday journey. I found that we don’t search but just stare for answers. Why? Because when you are truly looking for something, you don’t sit and expect it to fall in your laps. You lift, you push, you pull, you carry, you get down, you go up, you do everything until you finally sight it.
Which school of thought’s practice do you intend to apply? Will you be searching yourself or ask your creator? I will be biased and say to ask the creator. And its not just about having a manual handed over to you by the manufacturer, but having a source, having someone to do checks and balances for you as you go, having a constant helping hand and having a reason.
I am on a search.
I know its going to take time and that’s okay.
And I don’t know what head space you are in right now but take breather. Okay.
You are doing good. Don’t mind what they say. You are really doing good.
And it’s okay to take a step back and find yourself. You are not in a race with anybody. Wherever they are going, let them be. Let them go. You, take your time and do you.
You might enjoy; Hello Future.
I refuse to not see life as cupcakes and rainbows ???.
Thank you for reading.
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